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Spiritual/Ethical Archives

Page 1  


Dear Mrs. Web,

I am twenty years old. I have the opportunity to work as a silent partner in fake ID production shop for the local college students. In exchange for a small capital investment and access to some of my contacts, I can own 40% of what could be a very lucrative business. I would want to be to be a silent partner with absolutely no paper trail linking me to the business. I think this fake ID business could be a gold mine. What do you think of the problems it could present?

When I was young, fake ids were the purview of the local mobsters. To me the definition of a mobster is a dumb lunk who shakes down people, moves drugs, runs prostitutes, and is involved in counterfeiting. This is counterfeiting. It is illegal and a felony.

Frankly, if I were a young man, I wouldn’t want to spend five minutes in jail. The last person I knew who was booked on misdemeanor possession and felony drug sales had a very rough time of it from the other inmates while being held for bail.

This little fiasco could take your whole life off track. Exactly what kind of woman would marry a man with a record? Moreover, what would you say to your family? Your future children?

Choosing to do something like this stains you. Even if you get away with it, you are stained. You are operating at a lower level. 

You probably can tell Dear Mrs. Web does not think this is a particularly good idea.

Invest instead. I recommend you read Rich Dad Poor Dad, for ideas about legal ways to invest and become financially comfortable.



Dear Mrs. Web,

I am pregnant with my ex-boyfriend’s baby. I really love my ex and would like to restart our relationship. He wants nothing to do with the baby, his parents are divorced, and his father was never there for him. I would really like him to be there for our baby and me. We are friends, but it hurts me to see him with other women. I need advice.

It is time for you to make a plan for this baby. You have made a baby with a man who doesn’t want to be a father. It does not matter how much you love him, he will never be there for you or the baby in the way a mother, and child need and deserve to be loved and cherished.

Do the right thing and give the baby two loving parents and a chance for a good future. Place it for adoption. Many agencies will care for you and the baby and make sure it has a good home. The agencies will house you during your pregnancy, find your baby a good home, and give you counseling. Keep in touch. You are facing these important issues.



Dear Mrs. Web,

This week, I am going to take an open spot on my husband's mixed doubles bowling team. I have not bowled in a while because of a shoulder injury.

I've always enjoyed bowling and look forward to getting back into it. I usually carry about a 160 average. My husband wants me to intentionally set about a 125-130 average. He said that the team would benefit from my higher handicap when I start bowling higher. 

The idea of setting a low average on purpose or sandbagging as it is called, is in fact, pretty common. I just cannot help but feel that it's a little dishonest and unethical. I would rather just bowl my best games. With the injury and lack of practice, I might bowl low scores anyway. What do you think?

I would play a couple of practice games to get an idea of where the skills stand. If that is not possible, do what you think is morally and ethically correct. I would take my usual average and minus a few points for lack of practice and injury.



Dear Mrs. Web,

When I was much younger, I made a terrible mistake. I stole about $100.00 worth of clothes from a department store near my house. I had long since forgotten about it until one day recently I went by the store and felt a terrible sense of guilt. I now know that stealing violates one of the Ten Commandments. I can't even walk past the store anymore without feeling a sense of shame and guilt. I am thinking about going to the store and "confessing" and giving them the value of the clothes, but I don't want to got to jail for theft. I am really torn up inside about the right thing to do. Can you give me some advice?

The right thing to do is to give back the money and say you are sorry. With interest and inflation that $100 is about $200. Your choice is whether you do it in person or whether you mail it in by bank check anonymously.



Dear Mrs. Web,

I have one son and two daughters. My son and oldest daughter are in regular contact with me, usually by telephone or email, on a weekly or monthly basis. We are not as close as some families who speak several times a week but the relationships are o.k. My younger daughter (30) is single and lives close to and remains much attached to my ex-husband. She excludes me and seems to have chosen sides. Her father and I have been divorced 15 years.

The break in our relationship has existed about two years. I get a check and a card on holidays and my birthday, and I never see her or speak to her. She is an educated, intelligent young woman. I wonder why she won't let us discuss her problem with me. My other children tell me just to leave her alone; otherwise, I will make it worse. 

I am not a "yes" person and I am not particularly "easy" to get along with but this has always been who I am and it never bothered her before. Her behavior hurts me. I cannot comprehend a reason for this separation. I am a respectable business owner, I work hard, I am not an overweight lazy slob, a drug addict or drunkard and I cannot find a reason why she doesn't acknowledge me anymore. 

If I knew I was responsible for a legitimate reason for her avoidance of me, I would honestly try to repair it. But without communication, nothing can be healed. I can’t even write her anymore, she changed her e-mail address. I would like to have my younger daughter back in my life before I die.

How sad. I am sorry. She is physically and emotionally cutting you off. Is emotional cutoff a common method of coping in your family? Your daughter is deliberately turning her back on you. 

She must be very angry which is normally a response to hurt and pain. You can date when her coolness began as two years ago. Is there anything you can remember about your interactions with her that might give you a clue? You say you are a blunt-spoken woman. Did you say something, which might have caused her pain?

Whether you remember or not, if I were in your shoes I would ask to meet with her or write to her and tell her how sorry I was for any pain I had caused her. You don’t need to even know what hurt her. It doesn't matter whether it is a legitimate reason in your eyes.  She is your daughter, your aim is to have a restored relationship, not count who’s right. 

She may not even be able to respond to you right away. When you drops your defenses and shows your loss, pain, and concern to another, it often penetrates, sometimes immediately, often over time. I hope you are able to reach out to her in a loving, way.


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