Dear Mrs. Web Personal Advice Column -- Welcome!

My best friend and I like to dress and act punk. My parents don’t like it because they say that it is not good for me spiritually and some of the ideas go against our family faith. I like dressing in black and promise them I won't go too far. But they tell me that I cannot wear all black and stud belts and necklaces. How can I deal with this? I don’t want to follow their rules.

Your parents pay the freight and are responsible for you. Your job is to follow their values and rules while you are under their care. There are times that you have to do what you don’t want to do. This is the way to build muscle in your character.

After you turn 18 and leave the nest, you can choose how you want to live and can pierce your elbows and paint yourself black with purple spots if it pleases you.

Dear Mrs. Web,

I am a high school teacher who loves his job, even those moments when young people can be emotionally extreme. One frustrating phrase that comes my way with maddening regularity from my students is their protest that either a teacher or their parents have no "right" to make demands on them, or that they, the students, have the "right" to act in essentially any way they choose.

Could you offer any advice to teachers and parents who have to respond to this argument so often? Thank you for your time and your refreshing column,

Thank you for your kind words. I am trying to provide a different perspective for my readers than the currently received wisdom.

I am afraid I am a bit tough-minded about this issue. I cannot separate rights from the words "privilege" and "responsibility." Young people have certain true rights to expect and require from their caretakers: three hots, and a cot, safety, a minimal education as required by the state, and basic healthcare. Just about everything else is a privilege. Moreover, privileges are earned by showing responsibility, and have responsibilities attached to them.

We live in a culture soaked in the word "rights." From the Bill of Rights, to patient rights, to the right to die, to the right to own some bauble, or to be offensive, the word has been twisted to increasingly meet the needs of the unreasonable.

So my response to a youngster who is demanding something in the name of his or her rights is to really name what is going on and remove the word and all its self-righteousness from the discussion. I would say: "The word "rights" is a smokescreen. Actually this isn’t about rights; this is about you wanting your own way. You don’t want to respect my authority in this matter. Now we have this out in the open we will discuss why you can/can’t have this privilege and its responsibilities."

It is the responsibility of the adults in children’s lives to help the children understand what authority is and how it benefits them. Authority, well-applied, provides the limits children need. We have too many quasi-adults running around who hate the responsibility, weight, and difficulties authority entails. So they duck this responsibility, play buds with the kids, and then wonder why the children blow them off. There is a certain, to use a popular expression from the last election cycle, "gravitas" needed when dealing with children as their caregiver, parent, guide and protector.

I do not in any way mean harsh, authoritarian means of intimidation or manipulation. Instead, I mean that although pleasant and warm, one should be authoritative, and directive when necessary. Underneath it all, children should know that an adult will take the important issues to the mat with them, and will win.

Dear Mrs. Web,

Can a girl become pregnant even if she had her underwear on? Please answer, I am 15, and this is very important.

Yes, she could get pregnant but it is not likely. Whenever young and healthy people mate, or try to mate, their bodies are designed to make a baby, and will try to do so.

If you are having these sorts of situations in your life, at age 15, your biggest problem, is not a possible pregnancy. Your biggest problem is how you value yourself and others.

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